in a few minutes, it'll be one year since the first time we set eyes on each other, it might not have been more than a minute but i can clearly remember how it went, we both just standing behind our friends, you looked so cool while i was just smiling to myself as our friends were speaking, there wasnt any verbal exchanges but just a few gazes, i never knew that you would be the one who i would hold so dearly, my dearest, my one and only. i didnt know that its your birthday then and i'm sorry that it wasnt a all that glamorous side you saw that night. glad that we didnt both make a quick judgement base on a few tiny actions, glad that we gave each other a chance to get to know each other the second time we met. i'm so glad i found you

happy 19th benjamin ho yi wei,
nothing can tear us apart
i love you






We'll never be apart no matter where we are physically. You'll always be on my mind and in my heart. I love you benjamin ho yi wei <3


yet and yet again. fine. you dont trust me. its not like you deserve my trust either its just that, i've never done a single thing thats not deserving of your trust.

i've always been strong and acting all tough but it ain't funny when you experience real violence from the people you love. it hurts so much physically but its worst emotionally. the thought of them being able to bear a fist at me tears me apart. i've had traumas and its been quite sometime since i've bawled like that.

no, i wasn't drunk at all, i hoped that i was so my actions wouldn't seem so embarrassing.

you love me as much, i know, and i hope i'm not believing in the wrong things again,










the nightmares that i've been waking up to. i just can't seem to get over the past mistakes that you've made, i'm so scared to uncover more and more of them.

its like and obsession, an addiction to look into the things that would make my head screech to a sharp pitch that would pierce through my heart. i know its going to be painful and i know it would be unbearble, but i just cant stop thinking about it or stop myself from clicking into links thats going to trample over my pride and ego.

i dont wanna think i've devalued myself by taking all these in just to be with you, but i have to admit that it is kind of humiliating to be forced to live in denial for so long after and having to watch the drama go on and even manipulated to help it proceed instead of stopping it.

 its pretty much like knowing that you're digging your own grave but you continue to digging believing that its for a good cause like the cure for cancer is buried deep in it.

you'll never know or understand the terror of someday waking up and realise that it might not be over and all these is just a show its not true at all and it was all made believe.

because i'm true, and i cant take it anymore

these cracks cant be filled up with surface fixes, it runs so deep down it needs time to trust again.
i gave out trust for free and chances one after another, i cant afford to sponsor them anymore
you need to earn them alittle at a time.

show me that you've changed your ways and show me that they are not lies
its not a temporary notion to gain my trust to throw it away again
because a tiny tremor would be able to collapse a whole building now.
theres so many fault lines waiting to crack under the happiness that our mind portrays.




i really love all of Pixie Lott's live performance, shes the kind of singer who is so much better live than her album recordings. i always get goose bumps listening to her, its like theres a certain quality in her voice that expresses all her emotions so well but i prefer her ballads to her commercialized songs.
Walking down Brick Lane, feel the blue.
Winds blowing lightly and I picture you.
Sweet Sunday morning, with nothing to do.

Had a long week with my dearest ben ho last week we went to weird places like all the way to punggol to fish. i have never in my 20 years in singapore been to punggol. its like a entire different country to me. went there with Josh and Vanessa. So josh used 2 $5 rods and caught 4 huge ass fishes while my very own benjamin ho yi wei used 2 $5 rods and caught nothing but anger. haha, okay, after all that we went to try the goldfish catching with a paper net, a typical carnival game in japan, it requires a lot of patience and you need to be really gentle. SURPRISINGLY BEN HO CAUGHT 3 FISHES WITH 1 NET and betty chan caught none :(  sigh.



Went to USS on monday with josh and vanessa again before ben book in at night and before josh enlist on tuesday. poor army boys and poorer army boys' girlfriends :(

in cab on our way to meet the other couple!

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